'you don't want to get shot looking like an asshole'

When it comes to crime in South Africa, you rarely meet someone who hasn’t yet become a statistic. From smash-and-grabs to jackings – everyone has a horror story to share around the braai. Private security (never mind the insurance industry) is booming, so much so that suddenly its not doctors and lawyers that are sought after by aspiring brides. According to a leading women’s magazine, guys that install burglar alarms, even those with plumber’s cracks, have become hot property. Manufactures of bullet-proof vests have quickly sussed out that levels of crime have reached such epic proportions that its no longer safe for ordinary citizens to move about freely on the streets. In a twist of marketing genius, a manufacturer of bullet-proof vests has teamed up with leading fashion designers to come up with a vest that will not only save your life but ensures that you look cool in the event that you are shot at.

I asked Travis Anderson of the clothing label, Iron Fist, what he thought about the merging of cutting edge design with safety. “It's a necessary evolution because you don't want to get shot on the streets looking like an asshole”, says Anderson who is excited to be involved in the world’s first designer bullet-proof vest. “We had been working on similar projects with a group of African mercenaries who were looking for fashionable yet extremely functional genocide wear”, he explains. Local designer, Samantha Bulgin of Alfalfa clothing who has also come on board, agrees with Anderson: “Cross pollination is always good. Having beautiful objects around us is super important, why not extend that into objects of safety too?” Apparently, this is not Iron Fists’ first foray into safety-wear. “The trip line-detecting shuffle socks and leopard crawl leotard just never took off with the war torn mass market. I think we were just ahead of our time.”

Despite the fact that bullet-proof vests have so far only appealed to corrupt dictators and coked-up celebrities, Anderson is confident that it will take-off with ordinary, nobodies and that Iron Fist is the ideal label to kick start this designer/safety revolution: “Everything we've done this far has been incredibly un-politically correct so why stop there. Give me a call when you want to launch designer nooses and electric chairs.” Samantha Bulgin, who’s trademark designs include her sensitive drawings of proteas, hearts and keys, wasn’t as convinced about the idea at first: “I wasn’t sure what to think exactly, Alfalfa is about bright and happy not bullets and guns. But in terms of target market I’m sure this product will appeal to other creative people and their families.”

No Now that the idea has taken root in South Africa, will it expand to other poor, dangerous or war-torn countries like Brazil or Iraq? “Hell yes,” Anderson replies emphatically, “although a few necessary adjustments would have to be made like matching bullet-proof speedos for the Copacabana and a lightweight version for the desert.” And like any good marketing campaign, the support of celebrities is a crucial ingredient. “Charlton Heston's totally down and we're working on a pro-model with him”, reveals Anderson. “Other than that we're waiting for Slipknot's tour of the Middle-East before we kick off with the celebrity campaign.” As for Alfalfa, Samantha Bulgin is keeping her celebrity under wraps for now. “Alfalfa does have a favourite famous person who we think will be a great face and voice for this campaign, a South African, but nothing is finalised as of yet”, she says with a mysterious smile.