And the winner of the worst idea for 2007 is.................

Usually, around this time, I like to take stock of what the year has brought so far. We’re over the half-time mark in the game of 2007, 3 years away from the soccer world cup, 5 years away from the end of the world if you follow the Mayan calendar (I can’t shake off the feeling that somehow these two events are connected), and 43 years away from completely depleting the earth’s supply of fossil fuels. My new year’s resolution for 2007 was to take up a hobby. People have told me it relaxes you so I’ve been giving it a go. I heard that some people collect stuff like stamps which, initially, sounded pretty easy going to me as a first stab. My only problem is that having a hobby isn’t proving to be as relaxing as I thought it would be, especially when you're collecting the worst ideas of 2007.

So far top of my list are the crew of Chinese scientists who have successfully created the first artificial snow by seeding clouds with particles of silver iodide over the Qinghai-Tibetan plateau. Tibetans have really got it rough, first they’re occupied by the Chinese at gunpoint and then they’re showered with artificial snow! Apparently because the glaciers are melting, freshwater lakes in the region are drying up faster than you can say chop suey so Chinese scientists are celebrating the fact that they’ve found the solution to global warming. Hooray! Much easier than cutting down emissions. Go China! Keep producing all that stuff that WE keep buying. Second place was a tie, so you’re going to have to be the judge. In the right-wing….I mean right-hand corner we have Juan Jose Daboub, the managing director of the World Bank, who is rumoured to have links with a Roman Catholic sect and has ordered all references to family planning to be removed from Madagascar’s assistance programme document. I mean come on Juan, are the words “developing country” and “reproductive health” not synonymous in your vocabulary? There are 75 million unplanned pregnancies a year and third of which are dealt with by resorting to unsafe abortions. Are you going to confess to that next time you in the confession booth, Juan? Something tells me you’re going to have to say a whole lot of Hail Mary’s to get out of this one.

In the other right-wing corner (and this time I mean right-wing) weighing it at a trillion pounds, we have the majority of French fascists who voted for Nicholas Sarkozy as their new president. Not only is he planning to cut social services but plans to make life even harder for Arab and African immigrants than it already is in la belle France. I guess what can you expect from a man who believes that deviant and criminal behaviour is genetically determined making some races more predisposed to such behaviour than others? Sorry readers, no prizes for guessing which races he’s referring to. Next up is the U.S.A.’s National Rifle Association who has come up with a sure-fire winner solution to the reoccurring problem of All-American psycho kids emptying bullets into other kid’s heads before turning on themselves: arm the teachers, the Virginia shootings would never have happened if one of them had a gun. Great! What is this, the Wild West? One minute your old math teacher is scribbling algebra formulas on the board and next thing he’s Rambo crouching behind the desk locked in a shoot out with the captain of the football team.

Brace yourself peeps, the next one is pretty gruesome and it involves pigs. By the end of the year, the U.K. wants to convert to a biofuel made out of pig fat. Pretty ironic considering a recent UN report which states that the meat industry is responsible for more global warming emissions than all the cars, trucks and planes in the world put together. This is an ideological minefield, as you can imagine, its got animal rights activists and vegetarians up in arms. Jews and Muslims are freaking out but maybe it’s great that they can join forces against a common enemy. Now that I’m thinking about it, could a pig be the solution to the Middle East crisis? Are you relaxed yet? I’m not. Do you think it’s too late in the year to get myself a new hobby?